Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
