What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So vagazzling was a success
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
