You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
nutella sex= disaster
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
