I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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