He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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