I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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