he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
