fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
