I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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