remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
