Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize