Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
