Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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