You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
