I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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