Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
