ugly people sure do ruin things
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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