1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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