the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
