Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
