Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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