As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
