if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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