This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
