I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Found the puke drawer
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize