my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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