Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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