Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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