true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
