my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
