Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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