There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
