Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
