Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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