you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
