went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
