I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
