I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
