I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
