after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
