i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
