I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize