I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
