ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
