Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You made out with two different species that night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize