Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
