How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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