While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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