I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
