i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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