Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
