i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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