I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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