I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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