I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
