someone owes me an orgasm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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