i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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