Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
