We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
