You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
