mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
