Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
