32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
