I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
