yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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