If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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