i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like heaven, but drunker
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
