The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
