Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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