Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you still have your period?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
