I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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