normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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