Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
