awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Holy sore nipples Batman
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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