Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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