On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my being single is dangerous.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
