So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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