I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
