I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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