you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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