i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
