Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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