Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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