jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize