If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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