if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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