4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
