My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
