She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
