I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
