Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
