I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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