when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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