Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
