just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
