My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
