i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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