Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
