the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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