Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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