even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So squirting runs in the family.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
