Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize