from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
