Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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