Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
