We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
