i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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