i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
