Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
