My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
