It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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