There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
