Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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